Once again Courtney from Women Living Well is being used by God to challenge women to become more gentle towards their kids. Boy oh Boy do I need this!
Like a chunky kid wants chocolate cake! I hate the person that I have become this past year. I've became this horrible yelling, nagging, mean spirited woman that nobody (even myself) likes. I then wander why I can't reach these kids or even my husband for that matter.
When we first started the process of Fostering to Adopt, my husband and I wanted our house to be the safe haven that any kid that came to us needed. The place where they know that they are loved, they know that they are safe. The place where they can have fun and just be kids. We knew that it wouldn't be easy, that we would have to discipline the kids, that they would come with their own problems. But we had so much hope that we could be a happy family. That we could teach them of God's love for them most importantly.
This past year has been HARD. Really hard. I will even say that it has been the hardest on me since Derreck and I have been married. I have struggled A LOT! Not just with the kids, but with Derreck, and even with myself. I have came to the point where I just wanted to give up, make the call to their worker and be done with it. Let our marriage go back to like it was before kids. (I said it's been HARD!) But every time I do I hear God whisper, "You are all they have Ginger."
We are all they have. If God didn't want them in our house then He wouldn't of placed them in our house. They might not even want to be here, and probably don't most of the time. But then there are times when I see them happy and playing with Derreck and I think, "We can be a real family one day."
I want to win their hearts, so that I can teach their hearts about God. About His love for them. If I can't win their hearts, then they won't even know what it is like to be loved unconditionally. They won't ever understand the love that God has to offer. I don't care if they never call me mom, Ginger is fine. I just want them to love me. I want to love them. I want them to know God's love.
This is why I am going to join this challenge. This is why I NEED this challenge. I want to be gentle to the kids, to my husband, and to God this year and all the years to follow! I can't change any of them, but I can change myself and ask God to work in my life.